You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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