i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
