Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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