I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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