I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
