Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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