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Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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