So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
