I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
