goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize