Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
