i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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