He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
