You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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