She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i've created a new STD.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
