I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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