Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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