I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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