You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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