Porn is love you can see.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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