Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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