can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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