I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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