i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
