we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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