Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
