I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
