Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
