I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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