so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
