look no pants
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
