I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
