So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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