i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
3 2 1 whiskey
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
