if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
