my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
