In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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