im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think my mom watched the whole time
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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