I'm pants shitting drunk right now
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
