Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize