i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize