Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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