No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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