If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
