You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
