take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize