weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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