Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
