So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
