I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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