then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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