There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
