i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
