yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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