I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
