barbara walters just said penis...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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