So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
