My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
