Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
