I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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