i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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