we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
