So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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