Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wanna go halves on a baby?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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