If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
