I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
