So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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