In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
