Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
