A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
