Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
